Before I get started with this posted I want everyone reading this article to read it in its entirety before you go ahead and make a comment. I am not against relationships, love, starting a family, etc. Many people I know are in love, have families and are with the right person. I am completely happy for them and I think we all want what they do have. It’s just many people settle and that is really what this article is about, so again keep reading before you decide to make a comment.
So I am 30, turning 30 seems like a bigger deal than 21 was or even 25 really. At this point in my life I do feel much wiser and I’ve gone through quite a lot that has made me a better person and more importantly made me smarter. Growing up you think by this age you will have a family, maybe a couple of kids and living that fairytale life. Well for me that is not the case, but I guess at the same time I don’t consider that a “fairytale life” either.
I am single, happily single I might add as well. Many people might think this is a bad thing, they may be having some sort of crisis because again at this age we are “supposed” to be starting a family. I really do not see it that way at all. They way I see it is I am not settling. I have been in relationships where I did settle and looking back I can see how unhappy I was and how I was not a great person to my friends and family. You have to go through a few of these to realize that settling could be one of the biggest mistakes of your life. I look back and wonder what life could have been like if I stayed with certain people, if I let someone keep treating me like that, if I got back with them. It is actually a relief that I never made those choices to bring that type of person back into my life.
The sad truth is that many people do settle and they settle because they cannot be alone. So they put up with the bullshit and being treated badly so at the end of the day they have someone to talk to, someone to come home to, or just someone to be there when they need them. At the same time they do not realize they are basically bottom-feeding and giving up all self-respect for themselves by doing this. It literally blows my mind how some people justify staying with each other. I know girls who have literally been beaten up by their boyfriends and they stay. Guys who stay with a girl who is only there for money. People who stay together when they know each other is cheating and the list goes on and on.
All of these relationships are destined to fail and I’ve seen so many do so over the years. I know people who were married and are divorced now, people who told me less than a year ago they were in love and now they are single, couples who’ve had children together and now share custody and are most likely paying child support. Think about all of the time and money that was wasted because they decided to settle. I mean even I have been guilty of this and its crazy to imagine that amount of time you spent with someone who now you don’t even want to think about.
This quote by Mark Manson sums it up perfectly:
“Everybody wants to have great sex and an awesome relationship — but not everyone is willing to go through the tough conversations, the awkward silences, the hurt feelings and the emotional psychodrama to get there. And so they settle. They settle and wonder “What if?” for years and years and until the question morphs from “What if?” into “Was that it?” And when the lawyers go home and the alimony check is in the mail they say, “What was that for?” if not for their lowered standards and expectations 20 years prior, then what for?”
Its not even people who have been through long relationships either. I know people right now who are in bad relationships. They are miserable. And I always wonder, why are you putting yourself through this misery? Why are you cheating? Why are you ok with getting cheated on? Why do you let them treat you like that? If you are asking yourself any of these questions then you more than likely need to rethink the relationship you are in.
So I’m telling you to not settle, but how do you know that you are settling? Well there are the obvious factors like someone being shady, cheating, etc. But I think at the end of the day you as a person with respect for yourself should know if its right or not. In my prior relationships many of them I knew were not right, but I chose to ignore that because I wanted to be with someone. If you are strong enough to be alone you will avoid the bullshit. You will know for certain when it is right and when you need to tell someone to hit the bricks.
Luckily I grew up in a household where my parents were together and to this day they are still in love. When you see that day after day and year after year you look at your relationship and can tell if its right or not.
This is why I’m ok with being single and 30. It’s not a bad thing to me because I know what could have been and I’m relieved it did not end up that way. I know what it’s like to be in a good relationship and I can pick up on bullshit quite easily. Unless it is right there is no need to waste my time. I would rather spend that time building my business or going on adventures with my friends. Its funny to see people go from relationship to relationship without any break in between. That break in between is crucial to becoming a better and stronger person. It helps you learn to be ok by yourself and gives you time to work on yourself so you can attract a far better person than the person you were just with.
So I ask everyone reading this if you are in a relationship take a step back and look at it. Are you not happy? Putting up with some type of bullshit? And most importantly are you settling? If you answered yes to any of these I urge you to get out as fast as you can because all you are going to do is regret it later in life.
Photo courtesy of Todd Quackenbush via Unsplash